6 Things That You Should Definitely Not Do If You Want To Get Back With Your Ex

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Published: 25th January 2011
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If you've just split up with an ex, then you may be feeling a large amount of pain, especially if you didn't want the split to happen. If you want to get your relationship back, mend your broken heart and rekindle that lost love, then you're going to have to watch your step. How you behave now is going to be so important in whether you succeed or fail. Many people use their pain as an excuse to act in ways that push their ex even further away and drive the final nails in the coffin of their relationship. Make sure that you're not doing these things if you want to get back with your ex:

Texting, calling or emailing constantly

If you miss them then this is a tempting option to try to get your fix, but it is not a good idea. If you can't stop yourself doing this, then you are desperate and not in control. It's time to end the denial and realise that this break up is happening and you need to deal with it. The more you do this, the more your ex is going to get fed up with you. He or she is trying to give you a message that they don't want to be with you, but you are telling them that what you want is more important. They will lose any remaining respect for you if you can't let them go. Give them some space while you rethink and get yourself in a fit position to take more positive actions, instead of trying to force situations where you are not welcome.

Writing letters expressing your love or pleading with them to take you back

Are you trying to guilt or manipulate your ex into taking you back? Why would you want to be with someone who didn't want to be with you anyway? You may well succeed at making them feel guilty but, again, this will only make them want to get further away from you and the guilt that you are causing them. It would be far better to give them a break and a chance to miss you. Then they may start to wonder what you are up to and how you are coping without them.

Crying, pleading, begging, continually apologising, saying you'll do anything to get them back

Perhaps an apology is called for, but continually apologising and saying that you'll do anything to get the relationship back does not show self-esteem. This begging and pleading will make your ex feel guilty and turn them off to you. Showing that you are desperate also shows that you place little value upon yourself, which is going to make you even less attractive in their eyes.

Nobody needs the pressure of being told that another person cannot survive without them. Your ex is already feeling bad enough about your relationship - so bad in fact that he or she wants out. Any negative feelings or emotions that you add, on top of this, are going to be additional reasons for them to let you go. These actions will not make your ex want to take you back. They will make you look pathetic and desperate and convince your ex even more that you are not a person that he or she wants to be with.

Complaining and convincing

So your ex promised that you were the only one. They promised to love you forever or until death do us part. Unfortunately, you can't hold them to this, so what is the point of reminding them? Obviously things have moved on from how they were back then. Complaining about the past and your ex's faults is not going to help win them back into your arms. Don't bother to try to convince them why they should want to stay with you either. All these actions will only make them more defensive and more determined to get as far away from you as possible.

Stalking, threatened or actual violence

Why would you want to harass someone whom you are supposed to love in this way? Do you want them to be scared of you and frighten them into being in a relationship with you? They will think you are crazy and will want to get as far away from you as possible. They are more likely to end up hating you than wanting you back in their life. Sort your issues out before you even think about getting into another relationship, let alone getting this one back.

Contacting your ex's family members, friends or new lovers to cause trouble or find support

This is another way of trying to get your fix. OK, so your ex is trying to ignore you but you can still get in touch with family and friends, right? No, you should leave this manipulative approach well alone. Splitting up is a difficult time for everyone involved and you should steer clear. And don't even think about phoning up your ex's new lover to warn them off and tell them that you are getting back with your ex. You will only drive them closer together and you further away than ever.

If you are doing any of these things then stop now. None of these things will get your ex back. In fact they will damage the situation beyond repair and prove beyond all doubt, in the mind of your ex, why you are not the partner for them. If you persist in any of these actions, you may end up ruining your friendship and your relationship for good. You are hurting and you need to be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve. If you want to get an ex back then there are ways that work. Step back from the situation so that you can heal yourself and get a plan to get back with your ex.

Get a proven plan to win your ex back. These strategies will give you hope and help you to face the future with a positive mind. Learn the steps that you need to take if you want to win your ex back and put your relationship on the road to recovery.

You can also visit the Get Your Ex Back Toolkit for further advice on how to get back with your ex.

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