How Frustrating Is Dating? Beat The Psychology Behind Repeated Dating Failure

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Published: 06th January 2011
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Dating can be a frustrating game. Quite often you will find that the men that you want will put up barriers to keep you at bay, whilst the men who come chasing after you cause not even the slightest stirring of emotion. The reason for much of this lies in the psychology of human behaviour, which can be at the root of many cases of repeated dating failure. Read on to find out more.

There is a saying in life that anything you chase runs away and this is very true of early relationships. And it's not just men who do the running. If you've ever had a man come on far too strong early on in a relationship then you will know how creepy and off-putting it can be.

When someone lets you know that they want to spend their future with you, before you're ready for this, it can feel like quite a burden. The weight of their expectations can be too much to bear, especially if they intimate that their future happiness depends upon your reciprocation of their feelings. This is far too much responsibility for most men (and women too) when they have not yet even started to think about commitment.

Many men enjoy the dating phase of a relationship and take their time making decisions about their future with a woman. Unfortunately, many women allow themselves to commit to a man and a relationship when they hardly know him, and he just isn't ready. She may reveal her feelings verbally in "the talk" or show that she has expectations by complaining about what he is not doing already in the relationship. The psychological effect of this transition from dating to relationship is probably the most common cause of repeated dating failure.

The doubt and negativity that comes across in these situations shows the full weight of her implied expectations and he starts to feel trapped and look for an escape route. This is further compounded by her reaction when he withdraws. Her subsequent neediness in not letting him go without a fight shows him that he has her wrapped around his little finger. The chase is over and the romance gone as he struggles to free himself from her clinginess.

It is not wise to discuss a future with a man before a level of emotional dependency has been developed. If it is too soon, you will scare him off. Love can be likened to an addiction. If you produce pleasurable feelings in another person on a regular basis then they will develop a level of emotional attachment to you. If you allow him to fall in love with you, without feeling that you are trying to trap him into something he is not sure that he wants, that is when commitment can happen naturally.

One way that he will feel safer with you is when you don't pressurise him into doing things that he doesn't want to do e.g. spending time with you. When he spends more time with you than he wants, you quickly wear out your welcome, but when you leave prematurely, you leave him wanting more. Whether you speak to him on the phone or go out on a date, remember this principle and get out while you are still having fun.

Also be aware that it is human nature not to value that which is freely available to us and to hanker after that which remains just outside our reach. Something is not valuable to us if we didn't have to work to get it. You would do well to remember this principle in dating, particularly when it comes to sex. Throw yourself at a man's feet at your peril. He will trample over you and then leave. He will happily sleep with you first though, if you let him. If you make him work a little harder to get you, he will value you more and that extra value can often translate into a long-term commitment. Of course, you must respect and value yourself first.

If you want your relationship to last then you need to meet his emotional needs whilst presenting yourself as a challenge. This means maintaining your respect and dignity at all times and not giving yourself away. Let him come after you and you will appeal to his psychological need to chase his prize. The key is to maintain balance during dating. Make him feel good, then allow him to miss you. When you keep him wanting just a little bit more, then he will be pursuing you for the relationship that you want.

Dating success comes easily to those women who know what works with men. You can have the fabulous relationship that you desire when you learn to become a woman that men adore. Learn the steps to drawing him close and bringing out his natural desire to give to you. Stop feeling exhausted in your relationships and start feeling loved and cherished. Alternatively, if you're struggling to keep a man because of dating mistakes, visit my stop break up web page.

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